These girls mean business
Someone really ought to get in touch with the better business bureau... and the local police while you're at it... and Chris Hansen too.
From the very beginning of this movie I was
slapping my head at the stupid cynical smartass narration.
This is starting to become a trend in modern story telling. Make the person relating the story as repellant as possible from the very fucking beginning! My first job was at a fast food restaurant and I can't tell you how many times I said to myself, the customers, my managers, friends, and anyone who would listen that working there was just like sucking dicks for 8 hours a day.
Ever wonder what “Risky Business” would be like if
it weren't funny or entertaining and was a hell of a lot more awkward? "The Babysitters" reminds me of Rob
Zombie's "Halloween" remake. The actresses look close enough to
be teenagers so anytime you're forced to endure a makeout or sex scene you just
end up feeling uncomfortable and disgusted. Even more so by the fact that
they're all performed by middle aged men. So if you got it in your head
that a movie about suburban high school prostitutes was going to be at least
sexy and have a lot of nudity you're wrong on both counts.
What's worse John Leguizamo trying to act funny or
John Leguizamo trying to act dramatically? Better yet which is more
unintentionally funny or can you even tell? To add insult to injury he's
also listed as producer. You'd be hard pressed to find another actor that
has been in as many bombs as him and this one might very well be the worst I've
ever seen him in. Cynthia Nixon is just as bad and is likewise no
stranger to bombs. Katerine Waterston plays the lead character.
Even though I haven't seen her in anything else she does okay. She's not
terrible but at the same time she's not very good either. At best I feel
a little meh about her performance in this movie. In the beginning she
plays a timid overachiever with OCD and they attempt to turn her character into
a more easy going party girl and later into a heavy handed pimp, but no matter
which role she's playing she's not very emotive. She just drones on in
monotone throughout this entire movie. She's attractive enough and I can
imagine these men wanting to have sex with her but at the same time she's taller
than everyone else in the cast forcing her to stare down at other characters
while reciting dialogue.
I think the worst part of this movie is that it
doesn't set itself apart from any other movie about prostitution.
"Babysitters" strives to have depth and realism but rather than show
the negative repercussions of a dangerous and often times addictive career they
choose to glorify it. There are no repercussions for their actions.
None of the girls or their johns get arrested. No one even gets pregnant
or even catches a mild STD. It's almost as if the movie is saying
prostitution is cool. It'll get you paid and laid. And it's less
humiliating that a job at Burger King.
The movie is not paced very well either. For
a movie that doesn't even clock in at 90 minutes including credits it's
dreadfully boring and a task to complete. In fact I paused the movie a
few times to write this review. I feel nothing but shame and
embarrassment for Leguizamo who's reduced to knocking on his whore's window
late at night like some lovelorn teenager and later to hide quickly as her
father bursts into her room. It's full of one stupid cliche' after
another including a hallway walking montage scene played to the movie's stupid
soundtrack while the girls hold their heads high and walk confidently.
Words can't express how pissed this movie made me. I really hate to play
up the angry reviewer sterotype but when this movie wasn't making me feel
sleazy and uncomfortable it was just really freaking irritating. The
only good thing I can say about it is at least it didn't have a rape.*
20/100
*Spoke too soon. Wrote that before I finished watching the movie and guess what a creep rapes a girl while she's in the bathroom tripping on XTC.
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