Ranger Danger

Seasons in Hell by Mike Shropshire

With Billy Martin, Whitey Herzog, and “The Worst Baseball Team in History” The 1973-1975 Texas Rangers.

Seasons in Hell can best be described as a comedy of errors, from worn out broken down players to poor ownership to bad management decisions to hard partying players and eventually fist fights and full blown riots, it is like a real life portrayal of Major League.  It’s hard to believe The Texas Rangers came from such humble beginnings to become the team they are today, a team that was described as the best team in baseball in April(and again in July).  The Rangers are also the first team to reach 50 wins this year and a majority of the all-stars for this year’s all-star game were from The Rangers and their manager is managing the AL all-stars for the second consecutive year.  I think it goes without saying they’ve come a long way since 1973.  From now it must also go without saying that I’m a Rangers fan.

     Seasons in Hell has the distinction of being the first sports book I’ve ever read.  Going in I really didn’t know what to expect but since sports and baseball in particular is considered a wholesome pastime designed for the whole family I was expecting a book appropriate for all ages.  When I read about teenagers smoking pot above the pressbox at The Rangers spring training stadium in Pompano Florida I had an idea of what I was in for.  With that said I was still a little surprised and shocked at how candid Mike Shropshire was both with the liberal use of coarse language and juvenile behavior of himself, his colleagues, and The Rangers players and staff.

“Defensively these guys are really substandard, but with our pitching, it really doesn’t matter.”

“Even before the start of spring training, Herzog had said, ‘If Rich Billings is the starting catcher again, we’re in deep trouble.’  When that evaluation was passed along to Billings, he simply nodded and said, ‘Whitey, obviously, has seen me play.’”

“After reflecting on a popular bumper sticker at the time, I thought, ‘If this really is the first day of the rest of my life, then pass the hemlock, please’.”

The book is filled with sarcastic introspective quips like that, but it is not without sentiment and a sense of love for the game regardless of how well it's played and I feel that is the message of the book.  It’s not a book poking fun at a terrible baseball team, but a testament to the philosophy parents, teachers, and adults tried teaching me as a kid.  It’s not how well you did it’s how you played the game.  Well it’s kind of half and half but aside from the aforementioned passages there are some emotional and inspiring ones as well:

“Paul told me that he so loved the great American game ‘that when they finally run me out of the major leagues, I’ll go pitch in the Mexican League.’  One year later, Paul did exactly that.”

(Shropshire is forced to be the official score keeper which means he makes the ruling whether a play is considered a hit or a fielding error.  After ruling an error against a ranger an irate player confronts him on stealing a hit from his teammate and lowering his average.  Shropshire apologizes to the player and gets this response.)

“Last year, I hit about .292 and had the best average on the team.  This year I can’t buy a hit and that means that with the contract I get next year I not only won’t be able to buy a hit, I won’t be able to buy a pack of cigarettes.  I don’t know what in the hell is wrong.  I’ve tried everything.  I’ve taken extra batting practice.  Sometimes I’ve taken no batting practice.  I’ll bet I’ve tried two dozen different bats this year.  Nothin’ works.”

“Look. It’s not like I’m playing den mother to a bunch of winos.  Just about everybody on this team has played his guts out,’ added Herzog, ‘and that’s what has to concern a manager.  You gotta wonder when you team is giving it the old 110 percent effort and their record is still 45-86.’”

“I’ve been in the majors a dozen years and I’ve never been around anything like that.  That was not only the worst team I’ve ever been associated with, but also it has the best morale, far and away.”

Like many nonfiction books what comes first and foremost is the subject matter.  If you don’t already like baseball you’re not going to have an interest in reading Seasons in Hell.  For my first sport book I’d say Season in Hell was pretty damn good.  It’s not at all what I expected and I was pleasantly surprised.  I’d highly recommend it and give it an 85 B.  It’s good but more of a casual read rather than a gripping one(I picked up and finished two different books while in the middle of this one).  While living in the DFW area for well over 20 years I get a lot of the references in the book and have read the newspaper that employed Shropshire when he was covering the Rangers but not having been born anywhere near 1973 some things flew right over my head.  Seasons in Hell is an enjoyable and hilarious read.  After all everyone wants to write about the winners and likewise everyone wants to read about them but it isn’t very often that you get to read about the losers.

 I can think of few things more ironic than my copy of Seasons in Hell next to my American League replica trophy.