Pantera beats GWAR to death!

I was listening to GWAR's latest album when I heard a hook in the middle of a song that sounded familiar but I just couldn't put my finger on it.  I knew it was a metal riff.  At first I thought it Metallica, then Megadeth, then Cannibal Corpse, then Lamb of God.  After listening to it for about a dozen times I figured it had to be a groove metal band and then it struck me Pantera! 

2:00 into Beat You To Death you can clearly hear it.

now listen to This Love at the 4:45 mark

Its a little strange considering the feud Pantera frontman Phil Anselmo had with Gwar frontman Dave Brockie/Oderus Ungurus.

Mission Earth The Invaders Plan Pt. 2

Mission Earth Pt. 2

This may be a little premature since I’m only 100 pages into this book but Mission Earth Pt. 1 – The Invaders Plan is the best book I’ve ever read.  That’s no small statement either,  I am an avid reader and probably have hundreds of books under my belt.

It’s hard for me to emphasize how complex and well written this book is.  L. Ron Hubbard’s Mission Earth Pt. 1 – The Invaders Plan has so many layers it’s like a Greek play. Hemmingway, Dickens, Shakespeare, Melvin, these names pale in comparison to the great L. Ron Hubbard.    I am so enthralled by this book I may just read more books by L. Ron Hubbard.

*SIGH* I don’t know how much longer I can keep up this charade.  THIS BOOK (bleep)ING SUCKS!  Hubbard doesn’t have a clue how to write his own characters.  The two leads are a sniveling coward and a superman incapable of failure.  Jettero Heller is the perfect physical specimen, the perfect marine, the perfect hero, and the perfect athlete.  His only faults are he’s gullible and he’s a crappy spy.  From the very beginning we know there is no way Jettero Heller can fail and we know that’s all Soltan Gris can do.  Furthermore who exactly are we rooting for here?  If Lombar and Soltan win we destroy ourselves and if Jettero succeeds we eventually get destroyed or enslaved by the Voltarians.

When I stopped last time nothing much had happened; Soltan Gris screwed up, they kidnapped a guy, and there was talk of a timetable.  The next part of Mission Earth opens up with a senate meeting a la Star Wars and it’s just as boring.  But in Mission Earth’s defense this is completely necessary and advances the story.  Here is where we get a better idea of what this timetable is.  All we are told of this invasion timetable is that it was handed down by an elder generation.

This really bothers me, the Voltarians are an advanced space faring species whose entire culture and philosophy was developed by people who existed thousands of years ago and they never question this?  It never occurred to them that the people who made these timetables might be idiots?  Or at the very least misleading?  The citizens of Voltar and the other planets their empire occupies never got tired of wasting lives and resources in an effort to further their already bloated empire?  At the beginning of the book Gris explains their capital city has harnessed the power of a black freakin hole to provide limitless energy across the planet and the only way they can think of utilizing this technology is to annihilate and subjugate weaker less developed species?!

The report that Soltan let through reveals that Earth due to nuclear war and pollution is going to destroy itself long before Voltar gets a chance to destroy it.  You may be asking yourself why does it matter how earth is destroyed if it still gets destroyed.  The Voltarians want to use Earth as a way station for supplies and troops and in order to do that they need Earth to remain intact.  The members of the senate argue about how to proceed when Lombar suggests they let the Apparatus handle it which of course is what they do without a second of thought or hesitation.

Lombar Hisst and Soltan Gris then go to the underground prison where they’re having Jettero Heller held.  Lombar explains to Soltan that he wants Mission Earth to fail… ummm for ambiguous reasons, he just says he wants the planet to destroy itself and he’s picked Jettero Heller as a fall guy.  Makes sense doesn’t it?  Pick the one and only guy who could possibly ruin your plans to spearhead an operation you want to fail.  I don’t see how this could backfire. 

Hisst leaves Soltan to question Heller and put a spin on the kidnapping so they can recruit him.  Jettero lacking any common sense agrees to join the people that not one week ago beat, kidnapped, and imprisoned him.  He doesn’t even take that much convincing, his only condition is that they get some reassignment forms for him from the marines.

Getting Jettero discharged is easier said than done.  Gris gets the papers and goes off to get some of Heller’s personal possessions when he’s jumped by a gang of marines who easily knock the (bleep) out of him.  I suppose they could have just arrested, detained, and questioned him like any normal military but on Voltar who needs proper procedure?*  When they finally do question him he tells them that he wasn’t missing just on an important assignment for the grand council. 

That excuse is good enough for the MPs as they escort him to Jettero Heller’s room.  Once in Soltan discovers just how well liked Heller is by his comrades as his 3 room suite is filled with expensive artifacts from other worlds.  His marine escort explains to him that he acquired all this wealth after his ship crash landed and he was able to uncover a part to repair the ship and saved some 3,000 lives.

After gathering a few things from Heller’s room Soltan Gris rejoins Lombar at the prison.  Soltan explains that Heller will need some spy training for the mission and judging on how easily he can be led and lied to I’d agree.  Lombar enlists the help of a Countess Krak(yeah I know it sounds like a dominatrix with a drug problem) to teach Heller Earth languages and how to be a better spy.  Thus ends part 2 of The Invaders Plan.

* My brother was an MP for the marines for a few years.  When I came to him with this problem he explained to me that this is exactly how low ranking grunts would react to off base non-military personnel coming around asking questions and demanding personal possessions of someone who is AWOL.  He also explained to me that the marines that took part in this unwarranted assault would not be punished or reprimanded.  To me it still sounds like they flew way off the handle and overreacted.  Just imagine if the civilian police acted this way.  Uhhh yeah you know Officer Smith who went missing a week and a half ago?  I may have information on his whereabouts.  GET HIM!!!!  HE'S BEING UNCOOPERATIVE USE YOUR PEPPER SPRAY!  WITNESS CONTINUES NOT TO COMPLY USE YOUR TASER!!!!

Part 1 showed some promise but part 2 lacks any interest I had in reading this book.  The more I read the more I get annoyed by the forced censorship.  While reading this part I had a hard time imagining that Hubbard stretched this concept for another 9 books.  I'd still rather much read all the profanity in text rather than try to work out in my head just what the hell they're trying to say.  As far as this part of the book goes it's really dull and uneventful.  This gets a flat 30.  I'd much rather be reading something I actually enjoy like Philip K. Dick or Stephen King.  This one just totally lost my interest in not just reading this book but reading period akin to South Park's Officer Barbrady's description of Atlas Shrugged.  This book is absolute Failure.

I guess it can always get worse

I never thought I'd find a worse movie than Twilight Breaking Dawn